Rubber Duck Saves A Woman's Life

This is an amazing story! Shirley Madsen, a 90 year-old woman was stuck inside her bathtub for three days. The only thing that saved her was a rubber duck that she drank water out of. READ THIS STORY


This past weekend was Anne and Tom's wedding in Milwaukee. What a fantastic wedding and wonderful couple. Here they are with Ardy (the rubber duck who has not saved any lives yet but would sure love to).


Milwaukee is a very interesting city...especially the airport. Greg and I saw two things at the airport that were extremely confusing.

1) The "Recombobulation Area." You know...the area where you put your coins back in your wallet, your belts back on, stuff that plastic bag of 3oz cosmetics back in your bag, and put your shoes back on your now filthy feet.


2) "The Casual Traveler" sign. Have you ever seen the "Traveler" signs at airport security? The "Professional Traveler" signs have an image on them of a guy in a suit and tie with a briefcase....because only people who wear a suit and carry a briefcase know how to travel. The other sign is that of the "Casual Traveler" which is usually an image of a guy wearing a baseball hat. Because guys who wear baseball hats don't know how to travel. But in Milwaukee the "Casual Traveler" is riding a motorcycle!!!!! I guess by "Casual" they mean stupid. Stupid "Casual Traveler" who thinks they will get through security on their motorcycle. "I swear, Sir, it will fit in the overhead compartment!"

I can just hear the Airport Security now as the CT cruises up to security on his sweet ride..."OMG...look at that Casual Traveler riding up in the motorcycle. He is so Casual."

Side Note: people need to stop letting dogs sit on their laps when they are driving so that the dog can poke his head out the window. It is completely ridiculous and dangerous. If you think you are giving the dog a chance to feel what it is like drive the roads....you are sadly mistaken. They don't give a damn other than getting some fresh air. Another option...roll your passenger window down, plop them down on the seat, and let them pretend they are driving in the UK. I may have to make a Citizen's Arrest if you don't stop doing this.

Sorry We Missed You

As I pulled up to my house tonight I noticed there was a little orange piece of paper in between my screen on my door. From afar it looked like a UPS slip. For the 30 seconds between the time I parked, got out of the car, and walked up to my door I thought I had a parcel waiting for me at the North Park Postal Office. But no. It wasn't a parcel. It was a fruit basket. A note that said "SORRY WE MISSED YOU!" Please call Mon-Sat before 8pm to schedule another delivery. Well, I felt like some fruit so I called right then.


This was my conversation.

Fruit Basket Guy (FBG): Hello thank you calling. (BROAD)
Me: Hi, I got a notice that I have a fruit basket.
FBG: Oh yes. What is your delivery number?
Me: 4537. B52.
FBG: Ok. Well, you are lucky because you have been chosen to receive a free fruit basket to say thanks for being part of the neighborhood.
Me: What?
FBG: We are offering it right now as a special offer.
Me: And it's free?
FGB: We will also throw in a free carpet cleaning service, you pick the room in your house and it's on us.
Me: What does this have to do with fruit?
FBG: Any room you want, we will clean it.
Me: I don't want my carpet cleaned I want the fruit.
FBG: Well, we use a 100% Chem-dry formula that will dry in 40 minutes or less.
Me: Ok what is this fruit or carpets?
FBG: We do both.
Me: Well I only want the fruit, ok?
FBG: OK. We will send you the fruit. All you need to do is watch a commercial on our carpet cleaning service and sign up for a free trial and we will bring you your basket for free.
Me: YOU ARE RIDICULOUS.

I hung up.

When I was a kid we used to get Harry and David every month. Harry and David, over-priced delectable fruit in a perfectly packaged box that was delivered via stork every month. No my parents did not supply this grandiose monthly treat to us...the person behind this was none other than Mr. SJ. I am using his initials to protect his identity even though I barley know the guy. Mr. SJ was a guy my dad worked with back in the 80s. In 1986 he bought us a year supply of Harry and David fruit for Christmas.
Here are Harry and David (Rosenberg)


When the year ran up, I think Mr. SJ just renewed it because he'd feel guilty if he didn't. We were members of the "Fruit-of-the-Month Club" for the next eight years, even after he stopped working with my dad! Every month..even in July...the box would arrive with the note attached, "Merry Christmas from Mr. SJ!" It was incredible. It was the best fruit imagineable. Sometimes I would close my eyes as I bit into the mango that I had just unwrapped from the green packaging and pretend I was in Mexico.
Harry and David were even more popular to us Comrie kids than the Schwan ice cream man who'd randomly appear with free samples once a year. (Looking back on that Schwan's was Sketchy with a capital S). They had damn good ice cream sandwiches though.

Anyway, when Mr. SJ cut off the subscription that we had now become very accustomed to my siblings and I were kind of pissed. I mean we felt sort of betrayed. What did we do to to deserve to be shunned by the guy we had met only once in our life? Did we mean nothing to him anymore?

Probably.

"I Think I Love Him"

Two ladies who met while playing bunco at their friend Susan's apartment discuss the possibility of love.

Picking Out Asparagus at Henry's

One should always examine their vegetables this way.

Happy National High Five Day!

National High Five Day Documentary 2006 from Conor Lastowka on Vimeo.

CAPS LOCK and CELL PHONE TOWERS

I've done it. You may have done it, too.
Hit the CAPS LOCK when trying to type an A in an email. Without noticing you start to YELL as you continue to write only to realize after a few words or so that you have typed them IN ALL CAPS. Instead of going back and erasing the CAPS, you continue writing about how much you hate CAPS LOCK. After a few wasted seconds of writing about CAPS, you then go back to what you were writing about in the first place - in proper case.

Something I recently saw on Facebook....a status update: "I totally agree with you! I cAN'T BELIEVE IT IS ALREADY ALMOST THE END OF MARCH! WHAT ARE YOU DOing (ahhh I hate caps lock) later?"

There is just no logical point to not going back and deleting a couple words. It's your email - you have control.

Another thing that has no logical point is the amount of time we waste on the phone talking about dropped calls on the cell.

So your call is dropped.
You reconnect with the person who you got disconnected from and say, "Sorry about that. I lost you." (UHH...YOU THINK?) So then the other person on the call says, "It might have been my phone. I'm in a bad area." Then you respond, "Yeah I don't know what happened." (UMMM...THE CELL SERVICE WAS INTERRUPTED - YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED). Then the other person responds, "Weird." (LIKE IT'S THE FIRST TIME THIS HAS EVER HAPPENED). Awkward silence and then the other person continues, "Well, anyway where were we?"

There needs to be an end to that. We would all save many minutes on our bill if we all just stopped talking about that CRAZY dropped call and debating back and forth whose phone actually dropped the call to begin with. It doesn't matter. It was dropped...you got back in touch...move on.

How Much Is Too Much?

I often wonder...at what point does it occur to the "mover" that no more can fit?

I am dumbfounded when I see this on the road.

Stack-o-holics. These individuals just stack, stack, stack until the moment where they stop the stacking and contemplate.

Here is a series of steps that happen when an Individual (let's call him George) tries to "fit it all" in his truck.

Step 1) After tying the last bungee chord, George takes a step back to admire his "mass"terpiece.
Step 2) He quits the admiring and gets on to the assessing. George poses the question to himself, "Will...It...Hold?"
Step 3) More questions run through his mind. "Is that chair too far out? "Can I squeeze in one more chair and fit the 6th chair for my 6 person table? Uhhh...Not gonna happen."
Step 4) George tilts his head from side to side as if this will help him balance the load.
Step 5) He asks himself the question of the moment once again, "Will...It...Hold?"
Step 6) He turns around to see if any neighbors are judging his work of art. He sees his neighbor Frank.
Step 7) George "'sup nods" Frank. Frank shakes his head and thinks to himself, "Would it be that hard to rent a U-Haul?"
Step 8) George sees Frank shaking his head and curses at him in his mind as he smiles it off. He knows that Frank is wondering why he didn't just get a U-Haul.
Step 9) George turns around, still pissed at Frank and starts blaming "these times we are in" for not getting a U-Haul.
Step 10) He steps up to the truck, pulls on the bungee chord one last time, takes a deep breath, and one last look at his house.
Step 11) George jumps in the truck and turns the ignition. He pulls out slowly and carefully but then guns it past Frank who is still judging him. As the the truck speeds off, one chair falls off the back and onto the street.

George doesn't notice that his table will now only seat four and that Frank just scored a brand new chair.